Coming Clean

"So, do you like stuff?"

There was a girl in my high school that randomly said that in an awkward moment once. Everyone laughed and she felt cool. She never stopped saying it after that. Gawd, some people are lame. I really didn't like her. So much so that I threw flour and water bombs at her on year 12 muck-up day. Gawd, some people are bitches. This is really random, it's actually more random than if random were to randomly pick up a magazine and read a random article and this random intro was printed in the middle of said random article. Just randomly. Random.

Hm, I totally wanted to blog about something else but now I think I want to repent. Maybe if I come clean about the mean things I've done to people then everyone will know how much of a bitch I am you guys can tell me how many hail marys I need to do to be cleansed or whatever the fuck it is that happens to you after you tell people things they don't necessarily want or need to know [read: whatever happens to you after you blog]. Zing. I'm on fiyah.

Mrs. Brown
It was the fifth grade and you hated my guts because I talked too much and you had anger issues. You were a real fucking bitch but I admit that I didn't make it easy on you. I was a pain in the ass, I will give you that much but you have to face the fact that if you're going to teach primary school you can't be a crazy psychotic cunt that pinches students when they're laughing at the way you have done your hair for the class photo - yes, you did and yes, I remember. I don't know if you figured it out but I was only mean to you because you were mean to me. More than anything though, I'd like to repent for the time that you really got in my face and yelled at me and told me that if I didn't "shut the hell up" you would staple my "bloody mouth shut" and then to the amusement of all of my peers I just cooly and calmly said "how now brown cow", which in retrospect isn't funny at all because it means nothing but at that point in time it was pure gold, Mrs. Brown.

Wendy
You were a Jehovah's witness and your family was good friends with the two other Jehovah boys, the three of you were a tight little Jehovah group. You were a bit crazy, only because you had a bunny-boiler style crush on Joshua - the hotter of the two boys - when he just saw you as a good friend. I found it funny that you would feel so strongly about someone who didn't look at you that way and started to pursue him. I really liked flaunting our relationship in your face but always wondered why you never said anything because it was so clear that you guys were better for each other than him and I could ever be. I moved away and I really hope that you guys are happily married, knocking on people's doors to preach to them about how they have it all wrong. Godspeed.

Sarah
This is probably one of the worst things I have ever done in my life. This isn't me making excuses but that was a fucked up time in my life, it was all crazy teen angst and I was new to that school. It was like the third day of my sophomore year and my cousin came up to me and told me that your friend unleashed an unwarranted verbal tirade on her. I was angry and had a super inflated ego so I thought I'd approach her and ask her if she'd like to repeat it all to me - I don't know what I expected. Unbeknownst to me my cousin's friends had followed me and then one of them slapped your friend and you were only trying to break up the fight. I pushed you, I thought that'd be enough but you pushed me back, I didn't expect it so I stumbled back. My ego got the best of me and I punched you in the face. I regretted it the second it happened and was aching to walk away. You fought back and at this point there were a lot of people watching so I felt had no choice. I hurt you really badly and there's nothing that I'm more ashamed of then what happened that day in the corridors of that high school.

Withheld
I never planned to be the one that breaks up a happy relationship. This is a story that's been played out a million times through the ages, time and time again the role I played in the events will be thought of as the "bitch", the "snake" and the "home-wrecker" but I really wish that you knew how it really was. That is the last thing I ever meant to happen and I really don't think you understand who is fucking with who. I wish I was sorry we ever crossed paths but I'm just sorry that we lost such an amazing friendship.

There is actually more but I don't think I can type anymore in one sitting - this is actually quite emotionally draining. If I don't hit publish right away then I'll probably delete this sucker right away so maybe I'll post some more later or maybe I won't. Pardon the lack of proofreading.