This feeling. It comes and goes.

Gut wrenching feeling. Sordid feeling. Feeling hollow. Hollow.

I can't remember who I once was. If I once was. What I once was. I can't remember who any of you people were. This feeling makes me forget everything I thought I remembered. What is expected of me? The front that we all have up is making me feel queasy. I'm so sick and tired. So over it all. I'm angry. A little bitter. Maybe a little crazy too. How long will it last or is this the way I usually am and who I thought I was just stopped lasting? Ponder that.

Friend: Could you possible be a little depressed?
Razia: Depression is for pussies. I am wrecked.

The fact that I feel like this, the fact that it's so evident that I'm not stronger than this - that I can't pull myself out of this - is keeping me down.

Paradoxical, much?

And at the end of the day, I'd trade it all for ignorance and superficiality. All of it.