Losing Control

Sometimes (and by sometimes I mean very rarely) I'm overwhelmed with an uneasy feeling. It usually happens when someone is behaving irrationally and I have no control over them or how the ensuing dramas that are sure to follow pans out. It's so obvious to me that this irrational person is just looking for trouble and that no matter what anybody does or says, they will have a problem with it. Their desire to complicate things obviously sits uneasy with me and then I get this feeling. It's like a putrid cocktail of anger, frustration, anxiety, resentment and restlessness and I always end up drinking the cocktail. I'm always left closed and self expression is a forgotten dream. Soon I stop being able to communicate at all and am left brooding in a dark corner somewhere. When I'm questioned, I'm forced to remember why I feel the way I feel and it all just bubbles up again. Naturally, I don't like it when it all bubbles up so I need to scare off those that question me. So when they question I snap. As unfortunate as it is, I snap well. It's not loud, it's not drawn out, it's just mean and I hate it. I hate that I've lost control of my thoughts, I hate that my emotions are all over the place and most of all, I hate that I am exactly like the person that put me in this foul mood.