I Bet You Think This Song Is About You: Razia 2D

Some people find it really hard to believe that I can be quite a narcissist. Some people find it really hard to believe that people find it hard to believe that I can be quite a narcissist. I don't know who is right but a quick scroll through the 1,799 photos on Photo Booth might work in favour of the latter group. Now before we go any further I must quickly throw in that for every crazy, lovo, narcissistic photo of me there are three of my brother, .25 of his best friend and .20 of my ex. Seeing that I am studying a "mathematical science" I'll work that out for you:

According to my approximations there would be 405 photos of me, 1213 photos of Deen (my brother), 101 photos of his best friend and 81 photos of my ex.

There's really no point in me trying to write about how crazy these photos are when I can just show you. Seeing that I have so many photos to choose from I had to ensure that I posted photos based on pure crazy, what-the-fuck-where-you-thinking appeal rather than choosing the photos I like [not saying that I don't like these but I promise there are some where I don't look that nutty] I got Deen to pick the photos that are being posted. I would also like to take this opportunity to point out that although these shots are solo, I promise you that people were around when they were taken [most of the time, anyway].

"I swear but I know there ain't no reason, 'coz everything is such a bore"

"I don't gamble but I bet I'm going to die if I don't get a cigarette"

"Girls don't go crazy"

"Happy? Are you sad? Wanna shoot your dad?"

"Mucho gusto, me llamo Bradley"

If you can guess who all those quotes are from then you'll get a sticker from Riese. JK! You'll get nothing but a nod of approval from yours truly. I'll take a photo of me nodding. On Photo Booth. Promise.

Had To Share

Okay this is going to be a short one. I just saw Margaret Cho at the Sydney Theatre, it was the first night of her "Beautiful" tour and she kicked it off here in honour of the 30th New Mardi Gras this weekend. I almost didn't get to go because tickets were sold out but then they announced another show at the last minute which was gold. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. It was pure comedy gold. I would share some of the calls she made but I'm afraid I just wouldn't do it any justice. Except I can't help but share one bit where she was describing how butch she likes her women and went on to describe her ideal female as "a real tough girl, y'know, one that rolls her own tampons". She also said something about crazy girls and Jenny from The L Word that had me LOLing like you wouldn't believe.

Moral of the story? Margaret Cho is fucking hilarious. You must see her if you ever get the chance.

PS. Ian Harvie opened and he was fan-fucking-tastic as well. For real. Like I'd pay to just see that.

Drunken Rmablings

Hey everybody! I's 6:59 PM on Wednesday evening, the weather is hot, the sun is still out for another 45 minutes or so and I am wasted-d-d-d-d-d-d. Yeah, that's right. I've been day drinking. This is the last week of my summer vacay and it seems like Mother Earth 2.0's Australian head office just got the memo that it's summer. Thanks, Mother Earth, really. You slow bitch. Now I have to go back to uni when the weather is good, this is not how it's supposed to be. Uni and rain must go together. Sunshine is akin to lazy days and alcohol in the daytime. So today Char and I got wasted at her house in the arvo [Americans read: afternoon]. Now I'm back home because I didn't want my best friend's parents to come home from work and find me laying spread eagle on the couch talking about how I think I have the mentality of a canine. Yeah, that's right canine. Why a canine you ask? Well its pretty simple really. We were watching Friends reruns and it was the episode where Monica gets stung by the jellyfish and Chandler and Joey have to pee on her leg. At this point Char said that she was scared of the idea of getting stung by jellyfish and then I exclaimed that I'm not really scared of the idea of anything. I learnt about how this makes me canine-esque when I took my dog to puppy preschool and was sitting through the "how your dog thinks" part of the lesson and was taught that dogs never anticipate pain or anything going wrong, when stuff happens to them they just deal with it as it comes. I am so a dog.

So being drunk has it's downsides, like laziness. I'm too lazy to get my glasses and I can't really even see what I'm writing. Well I can see it but sometimes I'll see like two of it or like it'll dance around like I'm on mushies - which I so should be on btw - I should focus on a point far away to relax my eyes. Where the hell did I read that? Yeah okay the focusing thing isn't really working. It seems that ever since that crazy optometrist guy has prescribed me glasses I've needed them more and more. Some people say this is because the lenses do all the work for your eyes and your eye muscles get lazy. I have lazy eyes you guys. I need to sign up to an eye gym or something of the sort. How crazy would it be if you walked into a room and everyone was doing all these weird eye exercises? I would think that I just walked into some possessed cult meeting or something.

"You Just Will"

So Valentines Day came and went and the Earth didn't explode, I didn't fall into the cracks and drown in the pits of my sorrows because for the first time in 3 years I didn't have a Valentine. I had predicted that this little fact combined with my recent torment over the fact that my ex is about to partake on a lovely holiday with the boy she's just started seeing was going to mark the beginning of a really shitty period in my life. I thought I'd never get over it all. Well Valentines Day was actually pretty good, it wasn't Valentine-y at all but good because God threw me a bone.

It just so happens that I have a friend who is leaving the country on exchange for a year, it just so happens that her boyfriend has just left on exchange and it just so happens that she wanted to throw her going away party on Valentines Day in order to have something to do rather than moping around and missing her boyfriend. The people in relationships were kind of annoyed but obliged because that's what friends are for. I couldn't have been more pleased.

So the party started. We drank, we laughed, we drank some more, some people made speeches while I tried to quietly navigate my way to the drinks table to drink some more and then when everyone was too intoxicated to care, we danced. When it all came to an end we drank some more and then parted ways. At that point the only people left were the people we went to high school with so everyone was obviously walking home while merrily intoxicated. It was then that my Ex posed the question of whether or not I wanted to crash at hers because going back home would have meant that I would be walking for close to 45 minutes whereas going to her house would only take 15. Laziness and extreme effects of alcohol got the better of me and I decided to crash at hers.

It occurred to me as I was stumbling into her room that this might not be a good idea - I had been doing a good job of getting over her in the past few days and this could bring all of it crashing down. I entertained the thought of crashing on the couch but I figured bringing it up would cause more effort than not so I just went along. It turned out that I was wrong about how sensitive I was - it turned out to be totally normal. Nothing happened. Nobody was awkward. I slept, woke up and we had breakfast without me once feeling like I wanted to crawl away and disappear forever. I left feeling like I had a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders and it reminded me of something my cousin had said to me at the height of all this crap:

"I know that it doesn't seem like it now but one day you'll get over all of this and see the positives. I don't know how and I don't know why you'll end up looking at things differently but you just will."