Mixed Bag, Bitches

So once again, shit got pretty blue around this here bloggums. Once again I'm going to apologise. Once again I'm going to try and convince you that this here blogger isn't two dimensional/a cutter. In efforts to lighten up the mood I present to you...

Three Totally Fucking Random Things:
presented to you in the form of a hot brunette sandwich

Eye Candy

Have you guys heard of Kat Von D? Yes? No? If your answer is the latter, you are free to crawl out from that rock you've been living under. If your answer is the former, then you probably have already stopped reading to ogle. KVD was on Miami Ink until she got booted because she didn't get along with the owner (or some shit like that). Lucky for those of us subscribed to Discovery, they offered her her own gig with the oh so original title "LA Ink". She's a great tattoo artist and all that jazz but today I bring her to you not for her props as an artiste but rather her smokin' hot good looks. Enjoy.



Search Engine Humour

So pretty much all (three) of us have blogs, yeah? And we all use Sitemeter or a similar gadget, yeah? So I'm assuming that we've all come across the strange google searches that lead to our blogs. I've comprised a short list of those that caught my attention, be it because of repetition or just plain insanity.

1. "Subject X" - Remember this segment guys? The one I invented so I would have an excuse to go through people's stuff? Yeah, that one. I only did one but I SWEAR another one is in the making. Scouts honour.

2. "First cut into a fresh piece of construction paper" - This search is hands down the one that repeats itself the most. How many Family Guy fans are out there? Stewie Griffin is deep, guys.

3. "Girl fuck brisbane" - Really? People search this? And it lead to me? I wonder what the person was really looking for? A quick lay? Maybe they were looking for a girl who is all like "fuck brisbane" or maybe it's advice like "Giiiirrrrllll, fuck brisbane!", that's what Kit Porter would say. I don't really like Brisbane very much (but I love you if you read this and are from Brisbane). As for "girl fuck", well, ehem. I just hope that whomever was looking for whatever in Brisbane got what they were looking for. And I hope for my sanity's sake that they didn't find it here.

4. "Stoner thoughts" - I love this! I love that someone sat in front of a computer, opened up a browser, went to Google and searched for "stoner thoughts". Probably in hopes that there is just one organised lover of the reefer out there in this big crazy crack planet, one toker of the magic tokable that had his/her shit together enough to have a stenographer present whilst getting high. My friends and I once had a discussion where we expressed our frustrations with not being able to remember our stoner epiphanies, so we vowed to have a pen and paper present the next time we got herbal. All I ended up with was a few pages of ineligible scribbles, maybe an instance of "bastard", a dash of "and then she said", a sprinkle of "lmao" and a notebook that reeked of bong water.

Two In One

Many people can't stand her but I heart Chelsea Handler, she can interview the most obnoxious person ever and you'll still watch because of her. This time however, it was too much for me to handle(r) because she was interviewing super hottie, Sofia Vergara. Not only is this woman insanely hot but she also has this super cute accent that kind of makes you want to die because it's just so ridiculously hot and cute and she's so hot and it's all just so fucking hot.



Did I mention that I find her attractive?

Self Harm

I have a funny relationship with Uni. I treat it like a fat, arrogant mob boss would his hot mistress. On the outside, it seems as though my life would be easier without it. Like if it were to somehow disappear off of my list of things to do that I would be elated to be rid of such an immense burden. On the inside I know that it's probably one of the best things that I have ever done/will ever do. That if I weren't able to do this I would feel carved out and hollow. What would I say when people asked me what I did? I would miss the moments in random conversations when someone asked what I studied. The two most common reactions after the big revelation being:

a) You must be smart
b) Ugh, gross

My most favourite being the latter as I always translate that to "I am so dumb that I don't even know how important economics is and as you are a student of the science you must be way more competent than I. Feel free to look down on me as I probably won't know the difference"

All my ego-tripping aside, I am a unique kind of student. I value high grades but also love to get high. I am enthralled by the history of economic thought but I spend more time doing tequila shots. At this point you're probably wondering where the "unique" part comes in so I should probably mention that I am an extremist in all that I do, therefore if I have two conflicting ideals but one desire to do everything to the max I must be spiralling towards some cataclysmic, doomsday-esque finale! Right? Well, it's yet to be said whether that is actually what is happening but in order to prevent and/or slow down impending doom I have a little system worked out. It doesn't really have a name but for the purpose of this post let's call it the "Whatever The Fuck I Feel Like, Provided That..." system. The WTFIFLPT system meant that I would go about living my life any which way I wanted as long as nothing I did had any long-term negative repercussions, most negative of all negative repercussions being getting expelled from uni. In order to avoid expulsion I turned to the UWS handbook and read all the progression rules. According to the handbook, as long as I didn't fail any one unit three times and passed 3/4 of my units then they couldn't get rid of me.

At this point you must be thinking "Oh Raz, you're such a smarty-pants, why are you worried about failing?" and you're probably right, I shouldn't really be worried about failing because I've never given something a serious attempt and gotten anything but awesome grades for it. The catch is however, that sometimes I just don't feel like giving something a serious attempt. And because I am a master of expulsion rules I know that I can get away with failing one unit every semester. So sometimes, whilst staying within the guidelines of WTFIFLPT, I choose not to sit for an examination. To you this may come off as laziness, to those who think they know me it comes from arrogance, as they think that I would rather an Absent Fail than a mediocre grade. To me, it's just me doing everything I want to do my way so I can take full responsibility for the life I have lived. It is probably also a little bit of me fighting "the man" without actually taking him on, going through uni this way makes me feel like I pick when I want to sit for a unit, as opposed to "the man" picking for me. Truth be told myself, you and the people who think they know me are all probably right.

So this semester was no different from any other. I went along and did all of my work, handed in all of my assignments. I worked a lot of hours at Myer the week before exams started, I partied even harder at the end of that week. When the exam session started I only had four days to prep for my first exam, I had a gut feeling telling me to turn to the back of my notebook where I wrote down my timetable. I ignored it. I assured myself that there was no way I could have gotten the dates mixed up because me and Gma had a discussion about our exams being on the same day. Three days into studying I realise that I'm not into this subject and decide that I'm not going to sit for Advanced Econometrics this semester. Confident that I will ace the other three subjects I had to sit for, I had no qualms not showing up to the exam on Thursday.

This Sunday evening as I got home from work, I decided to get stuck into a little bit of prep for my exam on Wednesday. It's been my favourite subject I've done in uni to date and I'm actually looking forward to doing the readings. As I am prepping, I remember that I need to double check the time this particular exam commences so I flip to the back of my notebook and read my exam timetable. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. Fuck. FUUCCKKKKKK!!!" is all I can say. In all my stoner glory, I fucked up the dates and missed this other exam as well. Getting an absent fail in two out of four subjects puts me at risk of expulsion. All I can say is, god damn it, cock sucking, motherfucking, bitch loving, fucking, fucking, fucking, dumb fuck, cunt, whore, elbow nibbling, ball gargling fucking BASTARDDDDDDDD. I am so angry with myself right now. That is all.

The hot mistress is finally seeing the fat mobster for what he truly is.

This feeling. It comes and goes.

Gut wrenching feeling. Sordid feeling. Feeling hollow. Hollow.

I can't remember who I once was. If I once was. What I once was. I can't remember who any of you people were. This feeling makes me forget everything I thought I remembered. What is expected of me? The front that we all have up is making me feel queasy. I'm so sick and tired. So over it all. I'm angry. A little bitter. Maybe a little crazy too. How long will it last or is this the way I usually am and who I thought I was just stopped lasting? Ponder that.

Friend: Could you possible be a little depressed?
Razia: Depression is for pussies. I am wrecked.

The fact that I feel like this, the fact that it's so evident that I'm not stronger than this - that I can't pull myself out of this - is keeping me down.

Paradoxical, much?

And at the end of the day, I'd trade it all for ignorance and superficiality. All of it.